The price of hugs
The trend, in which TikTokers share that they “Probably needed a hug” but “did XYZ instead,” seems to have started as a way to justify extravagant self-care. Everything from “got an overpriced matcha instead” to “went on a cruise instead” has popped up online. Honestly, this version of the trend feels dark. Huge swaths of the internet are openly expressing that they use material goods and consumerism to try to soothe their need for human connection. But clearly, that isn’t cutting it.
“Look how good I am at self-care!”
More recently, the TikToks have taken a more genuine turn. The next form of the meme is the more “aspirational” substitutes for hugs, like working out or cuddling with pets.
Getting real
But some influencers are taking it further and admitting that sometimes, there is no substitute for human contact. “Probably needed a hug… yeah no definitely need a hug,” writes TikToker tingting_lai over a video of her tear-stained face. Crying on social media gets glamorized from time to time, like the “crying makeup” trend of 2022. But this yearning for hugs feels more vulnerable somehow. Even though COVID social distancing is over, sometimes it feels like we never recovered from the days of “six feet apart.”
Are we just lonely?
The “male loneliness epidemic” has received a lot of attention lately, but the U.S. surgeon general identified a general loneliness epidemic in America in 2023. Many heterosexual women are giving up on—or at least decentering—marriage, especially as more earn college degrees and secure good jobs yet find men still want partners who prioritize stay-at-home motherhood. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it raises a question—when you don’t focus on romantic partnership, how do you satisfy your need for physical connection? And even if you are partnered, is one source of physical connection enough? Maybe this TikTok trend isn’t just telling us that people feel sad and frustrated—though that definitely seems relevant. Maybe we need to normalize more physical touch in platonic relationships. More than just a casual hello or goodbye hugs, should we be cuddling with our friends on the couch? Holding hands? Or just giving a good, long squeeze to a friend in need? For advice on forming meaningful connections, check out With Whit and The Real Stuff With Lucie Fink.
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